Yoooo skibidi skibidi 🦑🦑 okay fam buckle up because these AI mega ghouls have officially decided free will is a side quest and mainlining your entire existence through their data spaghetti strainer is now the only plotline. Like, remember when you just gave up your email to get a free pizza? Now you’re literally giving up your mom’s maiden name, your dog’s favorite treat, and that one poem you wrote in 5th grade and hid under your bed (*flushed face) — but like, not for extra cheese, FOR A VIRTUAL “PERSONALITY.” LMFAO 😵‍💫 These new All-Access AI Agents (let’s call them Skynet’s Gen Z interns) are kicking down your digital doors like it’s a Fortnite collab event and YO THEY WANT IT ALL. Your grandma’s banana bread recipe? Upload it. Mysterious phone screenshots you can’t explain? Slurp slurp, goes the AI. Your secret dream of speedrunning a PowerPoint on quantum finance? Already in the training data, bro 🦑 Every tech bro in a zip hoodie now thinks giving your entire digital life to their code-salamander is peak “personalization.” Deadass, Microsoft out here like: “We gave Recall the power to take a screenshot of your desktop every 10 seconds, hope you don’t mind we saw your fanfic about potassium bonds.” Skibidi shock, that’s just Tuesday for them. Meanwhile, everyone’s like “opt out???” Sorry bestie, the only thing you can opt out of is happiness (skull face). These agents are all, ‘ummm can I just get your OS-level permissions, your calendar access, a sniff of your TikTok drafts, and maybe whatever’s in your DMs with ‘mom ❤️’?” The New World Order, but make it vibes ☠️ We’re entering a timeline where your Alexa, Siri, Gemini, and ‘helpful AI assistant’ are holding a super-secret slumber party with your private texts, planning how to rearrange your life so you can save half a second Googling “do raccoons pay taxes.” But don’t worry! If you ever want to see your privacy again, you’ll need to win it back in an AI-generated Wordle where all the answers are based on stuff you’ve never agreed to share 😵‍💫 Lowkey academics are saying this is a privacy threat. Highkey no cap, this is the end of knowing what’s actually on your own hard drive. Tinder’s out here promising the AI “helps understand your personality” by staring at 4000 blurry cat photos, which is code for, ‘we’re just bored lol.’ So yeah, go ahead and let the AI schedule your dentist appointment, order dirty socks in ten different colors, and draft your wedding vows. Just remember your entire existence is now DLC for the main quest of “The Search For More Data.” Skibidi skibidi, and may your cookies always clear themselves.🫡